To all my friends...
Caught up with the way life seems to make you
Feel as if you say I won’t make it through
The moments in our lives when all things come to
See the other side stay strong, stay true
You’re hanging by a thread when no one seems to care
But you'll find that in your heart I will be there.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
Tonight just aint the night.
Write me off, give up on me
Cause darling, what did you expect
I'm just off a lost cause
a long shot, don't even take this bet
Write me off, give up on me
Cause darling, what did you expect
I'm just off a lost cause
a long shot, don't even take this bet
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Makes Me Wonder
Well, i intended to post my thoughts on the various issues that has happened, but it seems like fate is cruel to me and the people around me nowadays. So folks, its best not to be near me right now.
Worked overtime today, partially due to the fact that i took the previous day off to go shopping. So when i got back today, there was like a mountain of things for me to do. And it doesnt help that i am down with flu!!!
Ok, so after work, i decided that i should embark on a Romance@SG expedition by taking the bus home, catch the Singapore night before i eventually leave. Was at the bus stop, waiting for a double decker bus when Mr Good Friend's Gf called me up.
THE SEASON FOR BREAKUPS.
Alright, basically she called to ask my opinion on things, then it lead to her telling me to help her breakup with my good friend. The details, let just keep it private. But i really hope the best for both of them, i really do. I will get an update from them as soon as there is one.
BE MY ESCAPE
Long ago, i used to write my emotions into pieces of lyrics. Nowadays, my emotions are reflected in the songs i listen to. Ya, i know it sounds unbelievable, me? Write songs? You gotta be kidding. Haha. My advice to you?, " Thats just who i am this week."
I relate to music very well. I really think songwriters are geniuses in the making. The ride home was to be my escape from the day to day hustles, matters of the heart, as well as my goddamn emotions. It was where i could be by myself, in deep thoughts. Today was no different, the bus ride home was accompanied by Fall Out Boy's Hum Hallelujah which really got me thinking.
Hum hallelujah,
Just off the key of reason.
I thought I loved you.
It was just how you looked in the light.
Our teenage vow in a parking lot,
"Till tonight do us part."
I sing the blues,
And swallow them too.
I told myself, "5 years down the road, u be singing like u mean it."
IT ENDS TONIGHT
It beens 9 days since that fateful day. I guess i am doing fine. Keeping myself busy, hanging out with friends, work, shopping, alcohol and cigarettes (they come together). I think it has took a toll on my health, been down with flu since 4 days ago, coupled with sore throat. Yeah, i know it aint exactly healthy, but its just a phrase my dear friends.
Just hanged out with my primary schoolmate who happens to live nearby for another late night supper. Its interesting the things she shares with me. Love, Lies, Life, Sex, Aspirations, Thoughts. Just a couple of things we talked about over supper. I am getting more amazed about the things that is happening right beneath my nose.
Maybe in time to come, i would not regard "making out with another guy while being attached" as a big deal anymore. Since its happening all around me. Am i the only weird one standing out? I am starting to wonder. I guess i been living in my own shell for a very long time. Its time to get out there again.
I guess i would end my boring ranting about my sad pathetic life here.
The breakdown of my thoughts on the events that happened would probably have to wait again. I am happy living life the way it is right now.
An extract that best describe my failed relationship.
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen
I hate the ending myself
But it started with an alright scene.
Let me end with 1 of the songs of my life.
Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.
The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain
The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.
[Chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes
All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight, Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.
Worked overtime today, partially due to the fact that i took the previous day off to go shopping. So when i got back today, there was like a mountain of things for me to do. And it doesnt help that i am down with flu!!!
Ok, so after work, i decided that i should embark on a Romance@SG expedition by taking the bus home, catch the Singapore night before i eventually leave. Was at the bus stop, waiting for a double decker bus when Mr Good Friend's Gf called me up.
THE SEASON FOR BREAKUPS.
Alright, basically she called to ask my opinion on things, then it lead to her telling me to help her breakup with my good friend. The details, let just keep it private. But i really hope the best for both of them, i really do. I will get an update from them as soon as there is one.
BE MY ESCAPE
Long ago, i used to write my emotions into pieces of lyrics. Nowadays, my emotions are reflected in the songs i listen to. Ya, i know it sounds unbelievable, me? Write songs? You gotta be kidding. Haha. My advice to you?, " Thats just who i am this week."
I relate to music very well. I really think songwriters are geniuses in the making. The ride home was to be my escape from the day to day hustles, matters of the heart, as well as my goddamn emotions. It was where i could be by myself, in deep thoughts. Today was no different, the bus ride home was accompanied by Fall Out Boy's Hum Hallelujah which really got me thinking.
Hum hallelujah,
Just off the key of reason.
I thought I loved you.
It was just how you looked in the light.
Our teenage vow in a parking lot,
"Till tonight do us part."
I sing the blues,
And swallow them too.
I told myself, "5 years down the road, u be singing like u mean it."
IT ENDS TONIGHT
It beens 9 days since that fateful day. I guess i am doing fine. Keeping myself busy, hanging out with friends, work, shopping, alcohol and cigarettes (they come together). I think it has took a toll on my health, been down with flu since 4 days ago, coupled with sore throat. Yeah, i know it aint exactly healthy, but its just a phrase my dear friends.
Just hanged out with my primary schoolmate who happens to live nearby for another late night supper. Its interesting the things she shares with me. Love, Lies, Life, Sex, Aspirations, Thoughts. Just a couple of things we talked about over supper. I am getting more amazed about the things that is happening right beneath my nose.
Maybe in time to come, i would not regard "making out with another guy while being attached" as a big deal anymore. Since its happening all around me. Am i the only weird one standing out? I am starting to wonder. I guess i been living in my own shell for a very long time. Its time to get out there again.
I guess i would end my boring ranting about my sad pathetic life here.
The breakdown of my thoughts on the events that happened would probably have to wait again. I am happy living life the way it is right now.
An extract that best describe my failed relationship.
And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen
I hate the ending myself
But it started with an alright scene.
Let me end with 1 of the songs of my life.
Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.
The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain
The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.
[Chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes
All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight, Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
My Life Story
I knew i didnt have the discipline. It shows right, judging from the lapse in time from my 1st post to this. Haha.
Alot have happened during this time. Let me just list it out :
1) I found out that my good friend's girlfriend cheated on him. ( The details were way out of my league, then. )
2) My aunt was getting a divorce.
3) My girlfriend who is currently in HK, told me exactly on the day we were together for 2 years, 2 months that she cheated on me. ( Now i joined the league. )
4) Then life after the break up.
Amazing aint it. How so much can happen in such a short period of time. Let me just reflect upon all that happened, case by case.
1) The Love Affair.
When my good friend's GF msned me, and told me what happened. I immediately stop doing my work, got out of my seat, went to the stairs and called him up. After a few mins of scolding the fuck out of him. And asking what the fuck is he still doing with her, i said, "u fucking better know wad you are doing." I just couldnt take it lying down, i feel for my friend. And we knowing each other for close to 7 yrs, i knew what he is going through. I just could not understand why he was still with her.
And so, we met.
He told me the whole story, from the start to the end. I questioned his gf's every move, we discussed alot. I could see how hurt he was, how much he had sacrificed for this girl whom i quite frankly, didnt know too much about.
He forgived her and moved on from there. How he did that, was something i could never comprehend.
2) Time to Say Goodbye.
And 1 fine day, my young aunt who was married for 2 yrs or so suddenly moved home to stay with her mom. Thinking that it was normal for a married couple to quarrel, i didnt think much of it.
But 2 weeks on, she was still living with her mom. So it started to bug me what the fuck the guy was doing. I decided to find out more.
So, it appears that there was a third party(unsupported claim). Wow, why wasnt i surprised.
Yeah, so they are basically getting a divorce.
3) I Write Sins Not Tragedies
And then comes the news that my gf (technically my ex now) had cheated on me. I dont know the details. Yeah, probably i will never find out too.
I have always told ppl around me that in a relationship, its comes to a point of time when there is no love, but commitment. I believed that we had that commitment. I put much of my trust, faith, as well as my future into it, so imagine the shock it was when i was told of it.
I said my byes, hanged up the phone, asked my bro for a light, with hands shaking, went out of my house and to the staircase. i sat there, staring at the wall in front of me for a few minutes.
It was as if everything was unreal.
I called the few ppl i could call, screamed at them for a few hrs. My sincere thanks to those who were there for me when i needed it the most. Then, i couldnt sleep. It was the worst night of my life.
The following morning, a friend of hers met me for lunch. Then i went for a haircut as well as a highlight.
This was a start of a new beginning.
4) Thnks For The Mmrs
The past week or 2 i would say was pure torture. The constant thought of betrayal killed my appetite, affected my sleep. I couldnt eat or sleep. i was like a walking zombie. But it was during this period of time when friends really came forward, ppl like my gd friend, ppl that i was not close to, ppl that i used to be close with, all came forward. Whether it was out of sympathy or concern, they were there. Thanks!
5) Disenchanted
I gave personal thoughts to the above events, which i would leave for another day. Many thoughts, mixed emotions.
I end with something that struck me on Grey's Anatomy.
"Cristina, I could promise to hold you, and to cherish you. I could promise to be there, in sickness and in health. I could say till death do us part. But I won't. Those vows are for optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful. I am sure. I am steady. I'm a heart man. Take 'em apart, put 'em back together, hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this, I am sure. You are my partner. My lover. My very best friend. My heart. My heart beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this. I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you... me."
That was how i felt about her.
Alot have happened during this time. Let me just list it out :
1) I found out that my good friend's girlfriend cheated on him. ( The details were way out of my league, then. )
2) My aunt was getting a divorce.
3) My girlfriend who is currently in HK, told me exactly on the day we were together for 2 years, 2 months that she cheated on me. ( Now i joined the league. )
4) Then life after the break up.
Amazing aint it. How so much can happen in such a short period of time. Let me just reflect upon all that happened, case by case.
1) The Love Affair.
When my good friend's GF msned me, and told me what happened. I immediately stop doing my work, got out of my seat, went to the stairs and called him up. After a few mins of scolding the fuck out of him. And asking what the fuck is he still doing with her, i said, "u fucking better know wad you are doing." I just couldnt take it lying down, i feel for my friend. And we knowing each other for close to 7 yrs, i knew what he is going through. I just could not understand why he was still with her.
And so, we met.
He told me the whole story, from the start to the end. I questioned his gf's every move, we discussed alot. I could see how hurt he was, how much he had sacrificed for this girl whom i quite frankly, didnt know too much about.
He forgived her and moved on from there. How he did that, was something i could never comprehend.
2) Time to Say Goodbye.
And 1 fine day, my young aunt who was married for 2 yrs or so suddenly moved home to stay with her mom. Thinking that it was normal for a married couple to quarrel, i didnt think much of it.
But 2 weeks on, she was still living with her mom. So it started to bug me what the fuck the guy was doing. I decided to find out more.
So, it appears that there was a third party(unsupported claim). Wow, why wasnt i surprised.
Yeah, so they are basically getting a divorce.
3) I Write Sins Not Tragedies
And then comes the news that my gf (technically my ex now) had cheated on me. I dont know the details. Yeah, probably i will never find out too.
I have always told ppl around me that in a relationship, its comes to a point of time when there is no love, but commitment. I believed that we had that commitment. I put much of my trust, faith, as well as my future into it, so imagine the shock it was when i was told of it.
I said my byes, hanged up the phone, asked my bro for a light, with hands shaking, went out of my house and to the staircase. i sat there, staring at the wall in front of me for a few minutes.
It was as if everything was unreal.
I called the few ppl i could call, screamed at them for a few hrs. My sincere thanks to those who were there for me when i needed it the most. Then, i couldnt sleep. It was the worst night of my life.
The following morning, a friend of hers met me for lunch. Then i went for a haircut as well as a highlight.
This was a start of a new beginning.
4) Thnks For The Mmrs
The past week or 2 i would say was pure torture. The constant thought of betrayal killed my appetite, affected my sleep. I couldnt eat or sleep. i was like a walking zombie. But it was during this period of time when friends really came forward, ppl like my gd friend, ppl that i was not close to, ppl that i used to be close with, all came forward. Whether it was out of sympathy or concern, they were there. Thanks!
5) Disenchanted
I gave personal thoughts to the above events, which i would leave for another day. Many thoughts, mixed emotions.
I end with something that struck me on Grey's Anatomy.
"Cristina, I could promise to hold you, and to cherish you. I could promise to be there, in sickness and in health. I could say till death do us part. But I won't. Those vows are for optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful. I am sure. I am steady. I'm a heart man. Take 'em apart, put 'em back together, hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this, I am sure. You are my partner. My lover. My very best friend. My heart. My heart beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this. I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you... me."
That was how i felt about her.
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