And i knew the lights of the city were too heavy for me.

Hi there, another lapse in posting, few months already? haha.

Oh well, been in Perth for close to 2 months now. i had my share of fun, laughter, peace and joy.
Reality is sinking in though, that i am here to study, not for a holiday. (Ironic part is that instead of typing my assignment, i am typing this entry)

So yeah, went to party a few days back. Had a good time knowing new people, providing me with a alternative view of things, broaden my horizons. Tried drinking myself high, but just couldnt. Man, i so wanna knock myself out sometime soon.

Perth has been an nothing short of an experience so far. The people you get to meet, the scenery, the language. Anyway, i am learning to drive now. Probably in a month or two i will be getting a car, so yeah, do visit.

Sorry for the incoherent post, i still wanna do my assignment.

PS : Smoking is bad, but then there is no turning back after u picked it up.

Poems 2005

Chanced upon some stuff i wrote 2 years back. Enjoy.

Deny No More

Deny no more, nothing was wrong.

Last night a dream its wasn’t,

A crime it was not.

Nothing was wrong.

No one was at fault.

There was no wrong but a bond.

All I know was a dream was for gone,

A new one formed.

Remorse?

None I thought,

For all I did was want you to be mine,

So I thought.

Hurt?

I know you fought,

But yet all the more I forced.

Now you feel lost,

In denial of what went on.

Things may change,

Expectations may fall.

All I want is you to be mine,

Through it all.

Dreams of yours dashed,

But new ones will form.

Together you shall walk with me,

Down the path of life my wife,

For now you are my one and all.

Love At First Sight

I thought love was never coming my way,

Till we met on that fateful day.

On the first day of school,

I saw you,

It was as if seeing a stranger,

With a strange hairdo.

The next thing I knew,

I was in the same class as you.

I thought ‘gosh, this couldn’t be true,

Why would I be so unlucky to be in the same class as you?

Never did I knew,

That what I said would be so untrue.

After school you made the first move,

Asking me what shampoo I used.

I was never more amused.

That staged the platform for Day two.

On Day two I was on the lookout for that girl with a red hairdo.

Constantly looking around to catch a glimpse of you,

Wondering what’s there for me to do.

Time passed like it never use to.

From strangers to friends we became,

Forming a bond that would never change.

As we went on our separate ways,

I couldn’t help but wonder if things could have been a different way.

For two years I hoped and prayed,

That somehow this friendship could be saved.

I was a bastard in many ways,

I guess that is how,

When I show my jealous face.

The darkest days of my life,

Was living without you by my side.

Many things happened during that time,

But somehow I can’t recall them when I start to write.

All I care now is you,

Being by my side,

All else doesn’t matter as long as that’s satisfied.

I finally put in pen and paper how its like,

To know you from the start of college life.

I didn’t know it would sound so nice,

Till I read it out as I type this lines.

I finally know what its like,

To be in love at the very first sight.

Missing You

Darkness covers the sky at night.

Everyone sleeps in the absence of light.

Yet I lay awake,

Basking under the moonlight,

My mind’s swirling inside,

My eyes opened bright.

What could possibly be bothering me tonight.

I thought about everything that could possibly be bothering me alright!

It seems as if everything could not be more right,

Until your name came to light.

All became crystal clear at that sight.

I am missing you unknowingly every night.

The Sunrise

The sun rise,

The glaring lights.

I woke up and realized,

Love’s strange,

There’s no why.

The phone rang,

I got your reply.

All lines,

Telling me there’s no time.

I feel fine,

Left alone to die.

All this,

Makes me learn how to survive.

How’s life?

Is it all good at your side?

Never mind,

There’s no need to reply.

It just makes things worse each time.

Alright,

Good bye.

I am still a kid inside.

I will get over it each time.

This aint no crime,

I am breaking down as time goes by.

Honey why you calling me so late?

I am red like a lobster now. I didnt know that cycling can do such damage to the skin.
PS : I skipped work today. There are like piles of work on my table now, but who cares, i am like the only one clearing the bloody lot, when it should be everyone's job!

Wow, i received an sms from her! sent from HK. After reading, it feels like she was just trying to use up her prepaid credits, because it sounded so lame, uncalled for, and totally retarded. Ok, i am not trying to be a bastard here, but it is seriously the case i tell you. She was flying back today, so probably had some unused credits, might as well dispose of it somehow. Ya, it doesnt help that she is online, back in SG while i am typing this entry.

Yeah, so i dedicate this heading to her, Honey why you calling me so late? (Hinder - Lips of an Angel). The reason why i am so sceptical abt it is because we havent been keeping in contact for the past weeks. She was busying having her own fun, and i was with my own life. So it is totally hypocritical when she sent that sms. But who cares, whatever her intention was. So let it be.

My dear Pam has been calling me EmoBoy for sometime now(she says i need to give her credits), but thats just a part of me. I think life has alot to offer for people my age. Basically its just a whole new phrase of life that i am going through. I hope this continues, cause i do not want to be sucked back into that pit of self pity, hurt, and grief again.

So long live the car crash hearts
Cry on the couch all the poets come to life
Fix me in 45

Minutes to Midnight

To all my friends...

Caught up with the way life seems to make you
Feel as if you say I won’t make it through
The moments in our lives when all things come to
See the other side stay strong, stay true
You’re hanging by a thread when no one seems to care
But you'll find that in your heart I will be there.

Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.

Tonight just aint the night.

Write me off, give up on me
Cause darling, what did you expect
I'm just off a lost cause
a long shot, don't even take this bet

Makes Me Wonder

Well, i intended to post my thoughts on the various issues that has happened, but it seems like fate is cruel to me and the people around me nowadays. So folks, its best not to be near me right now.

Worked overtime today, partially due to the fact that i took the previous day off to go shopping. So when i got back today, there was like a mountain of things for me to do. And it doesnt help that i am down with flu!!!

Ok, so after work, i decided that i should embark on a Romance@SG expedition by taking the bus home, catch the Singapore night before i eventually leave. Was at the bus stop, waiting for a double decker bus when Mr Good Friend's Gf called me up.

THE SEASON FOR BREAKUPS.

Alright, basically she called to ask my opinion on things, then it lead to her telling me to help her breakup with my good friend. The details, let just keep it private. But i really hope the best for both of them, i really do. I will get an update from them as soon as there is one.

BE MY ESCAPE

Long ago, i used to write my emotions into pieces of lyrics. Nowadays, my emotions are reflected in the songs i listen to. Ya, i know it sounds unbelievable, me? Write songs? You gotta be kidding. Haha. My advice to you?, " Thats just who i am this week."

I relate to music very well. I really think songwriters are geniuses in the making. The ride home was to be my escape from the day to day hustles, matters of the heart, as well as my goddamn emotions. It was where i could be by myself, in deep thoughts. Today was no different, the bus ride home was accompanied by Fall Out Boy's Hum Hallelujah which really got me thinking.

Hum hallelujah,
Just off the key of reason.
I thought I loved you.
It was just how you looked in the light.
Our teenage vow in a parking lot,
"Till tonight do us part."
I sing the blues,
And swallow them too.

I told myself, "5 years down the road, u be singing like u mean it."

IT ENDS TONIGHT

It beens 9 days since that fateful day. I guess i am doing fine. Keeping myself busy, hanging out with friends, work, shopping, alcohol and cigarettes (they come together). I think it has took a toll on my health, been down with flu since 4 days ago, coupled with sore throat. Yeah, i know it aint exactly healthy, but its just a phrase my dear friends.

Just hanged out with my primary schoolmate who happens to live nearby for another late night supper. Its interesting the things she shares with me. Love, Lies, Life, Sex, Aspirations, Thoughts. Just a couple of things we talked about over supper. I am getting more amazed about the things that is happening right beneath my nose.

Maybe in time to come, i would not regard "making out with another guy while being attached" as a big deal anymore. Since its happening all around me. Am i the only weird one standing out? I am starting to wonder. I guess i been living in my own shell for a very long time. Its time to get out there again.

I guess i would end my boring ranting about my sad pathetic life here.
The breakdown of my thoughts on the events that happened would probably have to wait again. I am happy living life the way it is right now.

An extract that best describe my failed relationship.

And when the lights all went out
We watched our lives on the screen
I hate the ending myself
But it started with an alright scene.

Let me end with 1 of the songs of my life.

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

[Chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight, Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

My Life Story

I knew i didnt have the discipline. It shows right, judging from the lapse in time from my 1st post to this. Haha.

Alot have happened during this time. Let me just list it out :
1) I found out that my good friend's girlfriend cheated on him. ( The details were way out of my league, then. )
2) My aunt was getting a divorce.
3) My girlfriend who is currently in HK, told me exactly on the day we were together for 2 years, 2 months that she cheated on me. ( Now i joined the league. )
4) Then life after the break up.

Amazing aint it. How so much can happen in such a short period of time. Let me just reflect upon all that happened, case by case.

1) The Love Affair.

When my good friend's GF msned me, and told me what happened. I immediately stop doing my work, got out of my seat, went to the stairs and called him up. After a few mins of scolding the fuck out of him. And asking what the fuck is he still doing with her, i said, "u fucking better know wad you are doing." I just couldnt take it lying down, i feel for my friend. And we knowing each other for close to 7 yrs, i knew what he is going through. I just could not understand why he was still with her.
And so, we met.

He told me the whole story, from the start to the end. I questioned his gf's every move, we discussed alot. I could see how hurt he was, how much he had sacrificed for this girl whom i quite frankly, didnt know too much about.
He forgived her and moved on from there. How he did that, was something i could never comprehend.

2) Time to Say Goodbye.

And 1 fine day, my young aunt who was married for 2 yrs or so suddenly moved home to stay with her mom. Thinking that it was normal for a married couple to quarrel, i didnt think much of it.
But 2 weeks on, she was still living with her mom. So it started to bug me what the fuck the guy was doing. I decided to find out more.
So, it appears that there was a third party(unsupported claim). Wow, why wasnt i surprised.
Yeah, so they are basically getting a divorce.

3) I Write Sins Not Tragedies

And then comes the news that my gf (technically my ex now) had cheated on me. I dont know the details. Yeah, probably i will never find out too.

I have always told ppl around me that in a relationship, its comes to a point of time when there is no love, but commitment. I believed that we had that commitment. I put much of my trust, faith, as well as my future into it, so imagine the shock it was when i was told of it.

I said my byes, hanged up the phone, asked my bro for a light, with hands shaking, went out of my house and to the staircase. i sat there, staring at the wall in front of me for a few minutes.
It was as if everything was unreal.

I called the few ppl i could call, screamed at them for a few hrs. My sincere thanks to those who were there for me when i needed it the most. Then, i couldnt sleep. It was the worst night of my life.

The following morning, a friend of hers met me for lunch. Then i went for a haircut as well as a highlight.

This was a start of a new beginning.

4) Thnks For The Mmrs

The past week or 2 i would say was pure torture. The constant thought of betrayal killed my appetite, affected my sleep. I couldnt eat or sleep. i was like a walking zombie. But it was during this period of time when friends really came forward, ppl like my gd friend, ppl that i was not close to, ppl that i used to be close with, all came forward. Whether it was out of sympathy or concern, they were there. Thanks!

5) Disenchanted

I gave personal thoughts to the above events, which i would leave for another day. Many thoughts, mixed emotions.

I end with something that struck me on Grey's Anatomy.

"Cristina, I could promise to hold you, and to cherish you. I could promise to be there, in sickness and in health. I could say till death do us part. But I won't. Those vows are for optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful. I am sure. I am steady. I'm a heart man. Take 'em apart, put 'em back together, hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So this, I am sure. You are my partner. My lover. My very best friend. My heart. My heart beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this. I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands, I promise you... me."

That was how i felt about her.